


Chills

by enkelimagnus



Series: WosSapphicSept18 [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Biology Student Isabelle, Bisexual Isabelle Lightwood, Clary watches Supernatural, Depressive Clary, F/F, Lesbian Clary Fray, Malec - Side, References to Depression, Saia - Side, antidepressants, art student clary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15915309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkelimagnus/pseuds/enkelimagnus
Summary: Sapphic September Prompt 5 - ChillsClary spends some time with Izzy on a bad side-effects day.This is dedicated to all the people out there who suffer from side-effects of drugs, antidepressants or not. I hope all of you guys get better.





	Chills

Clary had been sitting on the couch for a number of hours that she couldn’t really define. Netflix was playing Supernatural, and she was just binge watching it, using it as a background noise to distract her mind. 

She let her hands roam over the paper of her notepad, charcoal pencil in hand as she traced shapes she wasn’t paying attention too, just to busy her mind, and keep her fingers sharp. She was drawing the beautiful features of one of the leads of the show, Jensen Ackles. 

It wasn’t the first time she drew him today, if the small pile of sketches on her right meant anything. It just kept her comfortable and busy. 

Today was not the best of days. The side effects of the anti-depressants she was taking, effexor, varied depending the day and the time of the month, but today was just a bad day. She’d had a terrible headache all morning, and now she was just alternating between states of perfectly okay and needing to puke her guts immediately. Good thing that Fridays were Clary’s “free day” where she had no classes. 

The drug had changed her life, still. She hadn’t had a deeply depressive episode in… months. She hadn’t had suicidal thoughts since then either. She was doing great. She had a loving girlfriend, and a balanced life. She just needed to take two pills a day, but it wasn’t much of a sacrifice. 

Izzy helped, for sure. She was a sunshine in Clary’s life, a bright, beautiful sunshine, and she did help when Clary was feeling a little less motivated. She was there when Clary missed a dose and felt like she was dying. 

She was there when Clary puked every hour for a day, until it hurt to even think about rushing to the bathroom again. She was there when Clary’s libido was so high that she couldn’t really imagine getting out of bed and dressed and doing something else. 

Yes, Clary was happier now. More alive. 

She was putting the last touches to the strands that fell over Jensen’s eyes, when the door opened. Izzy’s heels clicked on the floor, and her bag hit the chair not far from the couch. In a second, Izzy’s arms were wrapped around Clary’s shoulder and the other woman was pressing a kiss on her forehead. 

“Stop hurting my girlfriend, you prick.” She muttered with a chuckle at the headache Clary had texted her about in the morning. 

“How was class?” Clary asked as Izzy let her go and settled down next to her, taking the sketches and going through them. 

“It was Spanish. I got the best grade of the class.” Izzy chuckled, both humble and completely not. Clary grinned. 

“Isn’t taking Spanish cheating? You were fluent by the time you were in kindergarten.” 

Izzy rolled her eyes and settled on one of the drawings of Misha Collins, another actor from Supernatural. “This man is way too pretty for his own good.” She muttered. 

Clary chuckled. She loved Isabelle deeply. Izzy was insane, gorgeous, and one of the most intelligent people Clary had ever met. She was currently in the senior year of her Biology Bachelor’s degree, and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she would get into medical school without a single problem. 

Clary was re-taking her sophomore year at Brooklyn’s Academy of Art this year. She was happy about it, really happy about going back to class, now that she felt… happier. 

They stayed on the couch for a while, making small talk as Izzy chatted about her latest classes, paperworks and grades. Clary listened and shared her own new projects, and they settled back on Supernatural. 

The hunters were walking through a dark room, flashlights out and looking around, waiting for the next jumpscare when the light flashed and a sudden rush of air touched Clary. She almost jumped off the couch, tense and looking at the goosebumps on her arms. 

The mug of tea that was on the coffee table spilled over as her leg bumped into it. 

“Fuck.” She grumbled. 

Izzy was looking at her with surprise, surprise that quickly changed into a bit of worry. “Did you injure yourself?” She asked. 

Clary shook her head. She was fine. She’d just freaked out completely because of the goddamn tense music and because of the jumpscare she was suspecting. It had just been some wind. 

“What happened?” Izzy pressed a little. 

“Wind.” 

The slightly puzzled expression on her girlfriend’s face made Clary sigh and sink into the couch again. Izzy grabbed a sponge to get the tea off of the table, and a cloth for the rug. 

Clary knew it was just the pills and their side-effects. It happened. But every time, she had those couple of seconds where she just… thought the window was open. 

That was a side-effect she always felt terrible about. It made her think she saw, heard or felt things that didn’t exist. It sometimes made her feel like she was going a little insane. But no. It was just… brain chemistry mishaps, just like Izzy always said when they cuddled in bed. 

Just like the libido changes. It was just stuff Clary lived with now. A quite small price to pay, when she realized how good she felt now. How… it was better, and sunnier, like this. Yes, there were days where she had chills, over and over for no reason.

The good days, so many of them spent at school, or going out for a drink with Izzy, Simon - her childhood best friend - , Maia - his girlfriend - , Alec - Izzy’s brother - , and Alec’s fiancé, Magnus. They had fun, they went dancing. 

It was far from perfect. It was… better than before though. Much better. It was the first step, really. She could do things, she could function and the world felt a little easier. It didn’t feel amazing, but it felt better. 

The chills were worth it. At least until she wanted to live in this smooth, almost emotionless version of her mind. She needed the crutch for a while. And then, when she was ready, she would get up and let go of it. But for now, the chills were worth it.


End file.
